This is something I invented shortly after my first son was born.  I call it a Mommy Mask.  (Put up the mask.)  Do you notice how happy and peaceful she is?  Did you see the smiling face, the flowers, the peace sign?  The picture of a new mom – full of joy and peace and contentment and beauty.  The Mommy Mask – something to wear when usually, I was feeling more like this (hold up sad face) or like this (hold up the angry face.)

            During those first six months, I needed the Mommy Mask a lot.  It was so hard and deep inside, I was afraid that I was doing it all wrong.  But every time I walked into the church I served, I was greeted with huge smiles and questions, “How’s the baby?”  And so I would to smile back and say, “Oh!  He’s wonderful.”  His mother, on the other hand, was exhausted, overwhelmed, and embarrassed by my lack of joy.

            You would think it wouldn’t happen again, but when I adopted my second son, the Mommy Mask made its appearance over and over.  When Johnny came home from Ethiopia, I was even more overwhelmed.  Now I was dealing with the special needs of a traumatized and sick toddler, while trying also to parent a pre-schooler whose world had been turned upside down.  I was angry a lot of the time.  I was scared almost all of the time.  And I felt guilty constantly.  After all this work, after all this time, after all this waiting for this beautiful, special child, I was welcoming him into a home with a depressed, scared, angry mom.  I felt terrible for what I was doing to my children, convinced I was an inadequate mother.

            And so…out came the Mommy Mask.  No one could know how I was really feeling.  Over the past year, I have been able to put the Mommy Mask on the shelf for the most part.  Things are easier and I am learning how to be the mother of two boys, although at times, I really do feel like this (angry mask) and like this (sad mask.)

And I wouldn’t necessarily tell you all this, except I have heard it over and over and over again from other moms, as we start to be honest with each other.  As we stop putting on the mask, we find some healing.  As we stop putting on the mask, we find that God made us beautiful, even when we are like this (one mask) or like this (other mask.)

But when we turn to our first scripture reading for the day, it may make us want to put our Mommy Masks back on – it may make any woman run in fear! 

The perfect woman in Proverbs is working hard everywhere, on everything, for everyone, from dawn until dusk.  And furthermore, verse ten says that this woman is hard to find, and yet she is the one to be praised.  So, the rest of us women, the ones who are not working non-stop and succeeding in all we do – we may feel not so praise-worthy.

It is true that not all of the hard work of this hardworking woman is traditionally described as "woman's work" – not now and not in the patriarchal world of Proverbs. While she clearly takes care of her husband and household, she is active outside the home as well. She is a successful businesswoman, considering a field and buying it. She is an entrepreneur who works late into the evening. She knows how to dress for success and how to sell goods for a profit.  Furthermore, doesn’t just succeed in business and at domestic duties. She also "opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy.”  She is far from silent. She speaks with wisdom and the "teaching of kindness" is on her tongue.

So, what does that mean for us real women?  It means that we should excel in domestic work, in business, in wisdom, and in works of service, justice, and kindness.  You know what?  It does sound strangely familiar.  It is odd how this ideal woman of Proverbs is still, in many ways, the ideal woman of today.  Good at housework, good at parenting, successful in her career, intelligent, and a philanthropist.  It really makes me want a mask.  I’m happy to pretend that I am that woman. 

And what does that mean for you men?  Are you willing to be measured by that stick, as well?

Fortunately, this text in Proverbs was meant to be instructional to a certain group of people at a certain time.  The reality of Biblical women is far from the “capable wife” of Proverbs.  The real women of the Bible, women like me, were far from perfect.

Sarah was a control freak who severely mistreated her maidservant, Hagar was filled with bitterness and despised her mistress, Rebekah manipulated her son and played favorites as a mother, Leah claimed her sister’s husband and practiced deceit, and Rachel envied her fertile sister and was consumed by jealousy.  At the same time, all five of these women followed God in powerful ways, and are seen as deeply faithful women in the Jewish and Christian traditions.  Unlike this small selection of Proverbs, the vast majority of the Bible declares that even faithful women, even loving women, even wonderful mothers, can sometimes be hurtful and selfish. And that is certainly true for you men, as well – don’t even get me started on the flaws of those Biblical men! 

When we put our masks away, we find that God loves us, celebrate us, and calls us beautiful and faithful and loving, knowing full well that we are not perfect, that we are not supposed to be perfect.  God wants us to put away the masks, to be our full selves.  If this were not true, I doubt the Bible would be full of seriously flawed individuals.

Today, on Mother’s Day, and I think we all too often put on masks.  For women who cannot have children, it can be a day filled with pain.  A good friend of mine has tried for 7 years to get pregnant.  On this day, she puts on a mask and smiles and pretends she is happy to honor her own mom, while inside she is aching with a deep and horrible pain.  For other men and women, whose mothers were abusive, absent, or neglectful, Mother’s Day brings both pain and shame, which is often covered by smiling masks.

On a feminist blog about Mother’s Day, one woman wrote, “I am the oldest daughter of a Paranoid Schizophrenic. My childhood was a living hell. One time as an adult, someone put on "womb sounds" for people to meditate to. I ran out and had a full fledged panic attack…So, this is my annual do not go anywhere near church day.  I will stay home until it is "safe" to venture out again.”  Another woman wrote, “I have an anxiety attack every mother's day without fail.  I have no mother and have never had anything like one in the last 30 years. My mother died when I was 5 years old. I don't have children and the whole mother child relationship is a mystery to me.  Someone told me, "Happy Mother's Day" this morning. I felt sick to my stomach. I completely forgot it was this day.”

And so here we are on Mother’s Day, those who are mothers, those who have mothers, those who have difficult relationships with mothers, those who have no mothers, those who wish they were mothers, those who never want to be mothers, those who are mothers of children who are gone…all of us dwell together on this holiday and wonder what to do with it. Can it be a day without masks?  Can it be okay to have a hard time on Mother’s Day?  Can we acknowledge the deep pain that this day can bring, along with the great joy is also celebrates?  Can it be a day that brings us closer to the God who many of us see as Mother?  Can we take our masks off and present ourselves fully to one another, fully to the God who really does love us, as we are?

            I believe that our second scripture reading offers us just that opportunity.  In this reading, we meet Lydia, a real woman with an open heart.  And my guess is: Lydia didn’t wear a lot of masks.  You see, she was not a Jew, but she worshipped the Jewish God, and this made her an outcast in many ways.  But Lydia was fine with that. 

            Paul and the others came to Macedonia to share their news about Jesus Christ.  And although they looked first for a synagogue, it seems that none existed.  This suggests that there were either few Jews living in this city, or that they found it unwise to publicly worship the God of Israel.  In fact, as you go on in this text, you do see the attitude of the Gentile residents as quite anti-Jewish. 

            So Lydia, a Gentile from Thyatira, Asia, is in a place that is foreign to her, Macedonia, and she is worshipping the Jewish God in the midst of Philippi, an anti-Jewish city.  Furthermore, as a Gentile, she is generally on the outside of Judaism, as well.  And so here she is, on the Sabbath, outside of the city, down by the riverside.

            Outside of her place of origin, outside of the faith of her people, and outside of the people of her faith, she is met, by Paul, on the outside.  But Lydia is a woman who does what she feels called to do, who follows God with a recklessly open mind; she doesn’t mind being on the outside. 

She listens to what Paul is saying and she believes; she understands the message; she wants to be a part of this Jesus movement.  And so she and the people of her house are baptized.  And furthermore, she persuades Paul and his companions to come and stay at her house.

            Lydia is a seller of purple cloth, which means that she was comfortably middle class.  But all of these facts, taken together, demonstrate that she was a strong, courageous, faithful, and adventurous woman.  Yes, I’ll travel from Asia to Macedonia. Yes, I’ll enter commerce, even as a woman.  Yes, I’ll worship the Jewish God, as a Gentile.  Yes, I’ll follow Jesus.  Yes, I’ll get my whole household to join me.  And yes, you are invited into my home.  No, really.  I insist.

            Lydia was an outcast, and she didn’t mind; she was a woman who didn’t hide behind masks.  She was a woman who lived the ultimate adventure of being fully herself.

            I think, on Mother’s Day, it is time to take the masks off.  I am no Lydia, but I would love to take that adventure of being fully myself, following God with a radically open heart, unafraid of what the world might say.  I would like to remove that mask and be honest, because in our honesty, in our vulnerability, we can more effectively minister to one another.  We can more effectively follow God when we remove our masks, because God make us, to be us – God didn’t make us with masks!

And so if Mother’s Day is a day of joy, smile and celebrate.  And if Mother’s Day is painful, know that you can grieve, and that we will grieve with you.  And if Mother’s Day is a struggle, we can all acknowledge this very real struggle together.  None of us need to put on our masks today.

            For none of us are the perfect mothers; none of us are the perfect children; none of us have the perfect mothers; none of us are the perfect women; none of us are the perfect men.  But all of us are deeply loved by God, our Mother and Creator.  All of us can follow God, with recklessly open hearts, with masks removed, knowing that we are loved, as we are, by God, our ultimate Mother.